“Yeah, I don’t think a date is a good idea, Alex. Don’t get me wrong! You seem like a really nice guy but I just got out of a long relationship and I just don’t know.”
“Oh, when?”
“Oh, um… Around two years ago.”
He raised his eyebrow.
“I know that’s a long time but…”
“Don’t stress, I get it. He must have been pretty special. I know how that is but if you spend your life wallowing about the past, you’ll miss out on some great things in your future.
“Like Philippians 3:13 says ‘…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.’”
“Oh, when?”
“Oh, um… Around two years ago.”
He raised his eyebrow.
“I know that’s a long time but…”
“Don’t stress, I get it. He must have been pretty special. I know how that is but if you spend your life wallowing about the past, you’ll miss out on some great things in your future.
“Like Philippians 3:13 says ‘…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.’”
He began to make his way to the cashier.
“Wait!” I yelled to him.
“That verse?”
“What about it?”
“It’s from the bible.”
“Nothing gets by you.”
Wow, so he’s a Christian. As soon as I heard that, I got a feeling inside me just like the feeling I got when I was on my first date with Jake, except this time it was stronger.
“That’s really cool. Now about that date…”
This could be good and the best part was, I wasn’t even thinking about the loser who broke my heart.
- Five Years Later -
“Please don’t do this to me, Alex. Please don’t go.”
The tears stung my eyes but I couldn’t even feel them. There was a darker, scarier feeling inside me that conquered every pain I had ever been through. As Alex was lying on the bed dying from the horrid disease, I couldn’t help thinking that God should take me too if he’s going to take Alex. I didn’t want to be in this world without him. We’ve been through so much together. We got married two years ago and we dated for three years before that. How could this happen? He is the greatest man I have ever met and he is so good to me and faithful to the Lord. The tears continued to roll down my eyes.
“I love you, Grace. You know how much I love you, right?”
The tears stung my eyes but I couldn’t even feel them. There was a darker, scarier feeling inside me that conquered every pain I had ever been through. As Alex was lying on the bed dying from the horrid disease, I couldn’t help thinking that God should take me too if he’s going to take Alex. I didn’t want to be in this world without him. We’ve been through so much together. We got married two years ago and we dated for three years before that. How could this happen? He is the greatest man I have ever met and he is so good to me and faithful to the Lord. The tears continued to roll down my eyes.
“I love you, Grace. You know how much I love you, right?”
I nodded my head. I moved my lips but the words just wouldn’t come out.
I never left that emergency room. The nurses brought my food with Alex’s even though he was unconscious most the time. I never took my eyes off him except when I slept. People came and went. They include family members, friends, friends of friends and friends of family. It seemed to hit them all pretty hard as they didn’t usually deal with this kind of pain. However, it’s different for me as I had lost many loved ones in my lifetime though it was not all necessarily to death. Sometimes I don’t understand why it happens but I know God has a purpose. He always has and he always will.
Nevertheless, this is something you can never get used to and the pain never lessens. It’s always hard to let go especially when you don’t expect it. It’s been three months since we got the news about Alex. He will go anytime soon to a better place but I can’t bear to watch him go. I cried more than I have ever cried in my life. I knew it is all going to end in a matter of days, hours or maybe seconds. I held on to Alex with all I had left, refusing to let him go. I couldn’t let go even if he did. I planned on staying that way for as long as I could. I would have held on to him forever if I could.
Alex died the next day. There were more tears, more pain and more sleepless nights.
I tried to tell myself not to worry and to be happy for him but it was never convincing. I used to think it was only hard when I was young and it would be easier when I grew older but here I am still stuck in the same painful endless cycle at aged twenty-five. I grieved for months and people thought I was in such a deep depression that I would never be the old me again. They were right. I was never the same after that but the weird thing was instead of losing hope like most people do, I gained more faith than ever before. I don’t know why but I realized that God is the only way out of this suffering. I thought about the verse Alex had said when we first met five years ago in the grocery store. I looked it up and read the whole thing.
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.”
That verse was very special to me and it was actually the main reason why Alex and I started dating. I missed him so much. Tears streamed down my face. I didn't think I would have any left but I did. I was running out of food even though I barely ate anymore so I went to the grocery store. I decided I would go to a different grocery store from the one where it all began. I would go to the one close to home, the one where it all ended.
No comments:
Post a Comment