i don't know if it's funny or heartily depressing
how quickly things change.
or, rather how slowly everything seems to move
but all of a sudden, you feel everything is completely different.
so, it's not fast at all. just a slow moving picture with a
flash flash stop in the middle of things. and an oh.
a breathing period.
I'm not sure if it's a choice i'm making, or if it's everything
else that seems to make it's mind up for me.
i wish i was stronger than i was.
but these emotions have their way.
a rocking jagged way of screwing me over.
i always have the back and forth
of thinking i'm in control of things.
as if, as IF i made a kind of move,
then things, THINGS would be OK.
but i would never make a move,
because that's not how i am.
i'm shaking, it's so cold.
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